Light

Hello <3

I could tell you all the beautiful things we’ve been up to for the past six weeks. Of the half written blog posts. I even wrote one on house work (I know. Doesn’t sound like me does it?)

Instead I will just get right on where I left off. Writing about love, life, family, relationships and all that goes between…. Thanks for coming back to read, I love that you decided to click onto my blog. Thank you <3 and sorry to my friends who kept asking where the next blog was, somewhere between waking up at 4am and rocking a baby to sleep…..

On Saturday night I was at an Event where Martin Smith was leading worship. And, amazingly, Ryan was the “Support Act”! It was brilliant, beautiful and dream-come-true all in one evening! I was stood next to one of my most lovely friends and really enjoyed the music, and the presence
As Martin and his band sang one of the lines that spoke to me was:

Oh through the valleys
Through the dark of night
Here you come running
To hold me
Til it’s light

Although I wouldn’t say I’ve been in a “valley” time, I’ve been enjoying life, but as one of my sweet friends said, “but you’re not writing!” I know exactly what she meant, I’ve almost put that on hold until… Well. Thankfully it was yesterday! I’ve been dreaming up plans, thinking of ideas, doing all kinds of things, but not writing!

And whether it was in the literal dark night (awake with baby) or the grey season of life. God came running to hold me, to bring peace and joy until I saw light!

I was telling a story to my parents yesterday about people, about things people say, about my response and how I wanted to run away rather than reach out to them. That would just be easier wouldn’t it? When people say stuff that is either mean, unkind, or just not well thought out, I just want to run away.

But that’s not right. Well, I thought it was. Until my parents told me (yes, they really did…) that that is not how God would want me to treat them. Yikes. God doesn’t want to see me all upset (I thought about responding, but didn’t). They explained that God has given me life to give to others, God has placed life within each of us, and we are part of someone else’s journey. If I choose to walk away, I stop what God could be about to do through me in their life.

So. In that moment, I realised that running away wasn’t going to be the answer. You know, not literally. Because I don’t run But I realised walking away from the words that have been said would not bring them freedom. It sounds like I’m ‘powerful’ but we all are. If we have light within us, we can share it. Or we can keep it to ourselves. I would so much rather share it:

Matthew 5: 11-16 (The Message)

 “Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don’t like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.

Salt and Light

¹³ “Let me tell you why you are here. You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You’ve lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.

^14-16 “Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.

And that is exactly what I want to do, to be faithful with the ‘light’ God has placed within me, to be salty and shiny. So ‘I’m going public with this’ I’m committed to the journey God has placed me on, the people He brings into my life, the conversations that arise. For God who knows all things, who created all things knew that conversation before I did. Knew the words that were spoken to me before they were uttered, He also knew how I would respond and how in being afraid, shocked, surprised, God would then allow me to search my heart and in contemplating running would find myself in a place where God came running to me, to hold me and be light!

My prayer is that I walk in light in generosity, being open and allowing others to walk into the light. That God continue to unfold destiny and there will be joy in the journey! Amen

Love, A xox

Marriage

This year we celebrated our eighth wedding anniversary – and ten years of being ‘together’. Through the past decade we have had a lot of laughs, talking, love, conversation, loving, talking, loving and probably more talking Recently, friends’ marriages have ended. The ones who had a slow engagement and then married and the ones who met and married. I love love. (and so do they). This is a reminder for me (for you?) on how important keeping connection in marriage is… a few tips shall we say? 

Books I have read that are totally helpful (at any point in your marriage). Note: I read a lot about marriage. Like I do about child-rearing. Like I do about Christianity. This isn’t when it’s failing, rather to protect something so special to me. I want to know what a 2 year old should be doing so I read about 2 year olds. Same way, I want love to last in our marriage, I want to be a great wife. Almost a Proverbs 31 wife. But sigh. The cloth making enterprise in my own home is NOT ever going to work… I also listen to podcasts. 

So my fave marriage/love teachings are: The Marriage Course/Book by HTB, any dating/relationship book I find(!) and then the CD series from Danny Silk: Defining the Relationship. And a recent find is the one by Zig Ziglar (now, I can’t remember this title but he is an incredible writer and inspired the likes of Seth Godin etc… so pretty incredible at that!!) 

I think the most important thing in marriage is. Wait. There are so many, so very many important things in marriage. And since all the words in my blog are goggle-able (if you get me) then I will write about the relationship/talking/conversing aspect of marriage. I’m sure you can find blogs/books on the other parts…

I think being connected: connecting is pretty much the most important thing. So often we get busy. Really busy. Ryan may be in a conference, or working late, for several nights in a row. I might be busy with my stuff, feeding, facebook etc So when we see each other it’s a very quick hello/goodnight/how are you. This kind of conversation can only last for us for a few days. Rather like a business transaction. I give a brief update on the children, any repairs to the house, financial figures, any highlights of the day. I receive a brief update on his day. There is a connection (because we work at that for all the other days we are not really busy) but it would not sustain our marriage. 

We would not actually be doing anything at all together. It really would be business. Rather than friendship, love, or fun…and we would end up running two separate lives. Separately. And if they happened to cross paths it would either be good, or (most probably for us) very bad!

In the recent book by Zig, he has a questionnaire and it asks how many times a day do you hold hands without needing to. So initially I thought ‘hardly ever’, but after waiting it out through the day, realised that we do hold hands if going for a walk, sitting in the car – ha imagine being like the couples who sit at traffic lights having a kiss imagine! So holding hands seems so well, basic, doesn’t it? But this is about the ‘connection’. 

What I mean by ‘connection’ is: meeting someone in a deep way – not like the ‘encounter’ you will have with the supermarket checkout lady (or the self scanner unit… I guess if you do all your communication via email/social media it could end up like that.. that would be pretty bad for us!!) So connecting at a level where you can not only talk about the events, but about feelings, about emotions and connect in a soul-to-soul kind of way.

This has taken me years to discover! Rushing around isn’t conducive to a long lasting relationship. You get cross. You don’t understand the other person. They don’t understand you. Oh wait. I’m not naturally a busy person. Just in the past five years we have had three wonderful children and somehow from the hours of 7am-6pm I get really really really busy. Never too busy to eat, but just a bit too busy to have super-dooper deep conversations. So we worked out we need a few evenings a week together to re-connect! ha. Not just to go through out diaries and make plans -although we do – because knowing what each other is doing actually helps

I would say that our relationship is better now than when we first got married. It was wonderful then, just making our first home, just enjoying two incomes to spend on us and our holidays [pause to remember our hols to California, Zimbabwe, Paris, Oxford, Cambridge............... loved it! and I love it now - it is so different, and, different is good]. Now we are a family of five things change. And change is also good. Yesterday we realised that Beth and Ben would be staying at my parents overnight and Ryan suggested we catch a train to Paris with Alyssia. OH how I would have loved that. OH how I love that we can still think of things like that

Being connected means that you deal with things. Means that you forgive. Not the forgiveness that you dig back up to use as ammunition in a future argument. btw that’s not forgiveness. Nor is forgiveness saying what happened doesn’t matter. It is about talking about what happened, how you feel and then choosing to give the gift of forgiveness (and not seeking to sneakily take that gift back at some point in the future – you can’t with a real gift can you?) and in choosing to forgive you may forget, you may not, but it’s about your heart response to that person in the hours and days/weeks etc, to come.

So we deal with things. Small things, big things, and mainly expectations. You know. The silent ones. The silent ones that can often kill relationships – and no-one knows why, because they had NO idea what on earth your expectation was. Yeh. Those. You know? Either expectations on someone else. Or on yourself. Here’s a simple one – but you can replace with any scenario. I was absolutely stressed out for several days at 5.15 pm. This is around the time Ryan gets home. There I am with baby in arms, two older children playing and I decide it’s tidy up time and time to cook tea, and time to sort out everything I didn’t get round to in the whole day: laundry/ironing/cleaning/paperwork/unload and load the dishwasher. Can you see this is turning into a disaster… well. As soon as Ryan gets home – probably late as the roadworks are in place for SIX weeks… I just tell him all that I couldn’t do, it’s garbled, I don’t make sense, and then he asked: Why did you try and do it all at once. I said: for you so you get home to a tidy home. We both laugh. thankfully I laugh. My expectation on myself is perfect home for his return. I realise that this is impossible. And begin removing the expectation I put on myself (shame, I loved the ideal of perfect housewife with three children all sat silently paying their own thing, maybe with a little halo around their head, and some classical music playing, as I WAKE UP… this isn’t my life!!!). We realised that 5pm gets super stressful for me because I try to make it all perfect, but that can wait. Dinner can’t! You know what, I think that coming home to us all content – no halos or the likes – is probably more welcoming than a stressed-running out of control wife So glad we talked about that one!

In dealing with the little things, and, it usually is the little things that you hold onto, that makes the next little thing that little bit bigger, which after a few months of this means you start hardening your heart. Start trying to ‘get even’. Start trying to despise the other and then love begins to get lost. So if you have little things… please, take a moment, go on a walk, hold hands, talk, talk, talk…… and let the little thing get sorted out. It protects your marriage. Danny Silk in the CD series spoke about being connected and how that keeps your relationship alive. So by dealing with the small things, the love, romance, fun, love … all can be enjoyed as you have fun in relationship with each other.

To sumarise: talk. Don’t make your relationship like a business transaction. Don’t take record of wrong to use against the other in the future (because if you do, so does the other and it’s not actually nice hearing their list……)

You know I like words so I will ponder on this as I drink my coffee for the morning, but scroll lower to read the message version: 1 Corinithians 13:

⁴ Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.

⁵ It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) anddoes not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights orits own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

⁶ It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

⁷ Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

⁸ Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].

 

The Message version says:

   Love never gives up. 
   Love cares more for others than for self. 
   Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. 
   Love doesn’t strut, 
   Doesn’t have a swelled head, 
   Doesn’t force itself on others, 
   Isn’t always “me first,” 
   Doesn’t fly off the handle, 
   Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, 
   Doesn’t revel when others grovel, 
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, 
   Puts up with anything, 
   Trusts God always, 
   Always looks for the best, 
   Never looks back, 
   But keeps going to the end.

   Love never dies.

 

It is this love that connects us.  Love that never gives up, love that takes pleasure in truth, love that trusts and looks for the best – never looking back (aka real forgiveness) and keeps on loving.

Thankful for our relationship. And more so to the God who makes love in our hearts so very real, as He loved us first in a way that we can only receive, and love as best we can in return: perfect love. A love that holds us. Thank you God.

Love A xox

Love Somebody

Go on. Show love, to just one person. In a way that feels stretching. In a way that will make someone elses day (week, month, year). To someone you know or someone you don’t. I will tell you my story about this another day. But we loved and although it could have been a big s-t-r-e-t-c-h (for me) it’s turning out FAB. Yeah! Love xox

Life/Living/Lively/Alive…

Over the past week I have been ‘getting back to normal’. Taking the Christmas ornaments down, being motivated by ‘The FlyLady’ (more about her another day…. she’s a home cleaning inspiration if you just can’t wait!!), going to school and work and starting Ben off at Preschool.

This week I seemed to meet/mix with/go for coffee/see a lot of people and friends. Two particular situations have affected me over the past 7 days and I wanted to write about them, learn from them, encourage you to LIVE life…

Let me start with Ephesians 2:10 (AMP), where we can be reminded that we are His handiwork, with lives planned for the very best, with a path directing us into ‘the good life’:

For we are God’s [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live].

The life stories of people that affected me make understanding this so much more important to ensure that we know we are living, that we are alive. Not just breathing, but allowing our Spirit (the God part) and, yes, our souls to thrive. Of course our brains are alive – but really alive… doing what we love. You know that BUZZ when you find yourself smile, or inwardly smile and think ‘I love this’, doing this makes me come alive, I was made for this. Ok. So I don’t walk around in a rainbow world where every single minute I have this inner smile. But I feel alive At the end of each day or during… I am thankful, I am aware that I enjoy what I am doing. And if I’m not. I actually stop… This explains my lack of completer/finisher personality right there doesn’t it. What an excuse. The best I’ve found yet for leaving things half finished

One elderly man I know has been house bound for 5+months. He can walk, but chose to stay inside. He could walk the stairs but chose to stay downstairs. During those 5 months, he gradually limited life to a small room.

Another guy I have seen (don’t worry, it’s not you, I don’t actually know him…… I have just seen him/overheard his stories) has slowly it seems, after many many many years of disappointments gradually let the light in his eyes go out. Where disappointment takes over and the ‘what ifs’ are almost forgotten. Instead of the slightly cheesey business speak such as ‘failure is not an option’ etc.. [although I have never worked in an environment where those kind of phrases are chanted around, ours were more like 'there's no I in team...' ] The phrase ‘failure is my only option’ would become a mantra.

Is living therefore a choice? Is it a gift? Is having your spirit awakened to God a gift? Is it available to all? Luke 10:

 ^27…You must love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.    ²⁸And Jesus said to him, You have answered correctly; do this, and you will live [enjoy active, blessed, endless life in the kingdom of God].

As a Christian, I can be sure that to live a blessed life in the Kingdom – does that mean heaven? -I am to love. To love God, love others and to love myself

Well, my prayer and hope is that I don’t limit my life through small mindedness, and that you live life to the full, knowing what it is that you are called to and what you have been created for. Love a xox

 

Additional reading on LIving Life to the Full:

John 3 : 15In order that everyone who believes in Him [who cleaves to Him, trusts Him, and relies on Him] may not perish, but have eternal life and [actually] live forever!

Romans 6:4 just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious [power] of the Father, so we too might [habitually] live and behave in newness of life.

Hebrews 13:18 Keep praying for us, for we are convinced that we have a good (clear) conscience, that we want to walk uprightly and live a noble life, acting honorably and in complete honesty in all things.

Christmas Eve & Traditions & a bit about Mary

Hello Almost Christmas. I know it’s close because my birthday has been, and gone. We really celebrated this year. Over the month of December. I’ve never done that before. And don’t think it will happen every year Thanks to all my family and friends and my little BBs for the love

I don’t know if I told you what my birthday present from Ryan was… well… It’s a Kenwood Kmix in Almond. It arrived at the beginning of December – and I was allowed to open it It is FABULOUS. It came with 3 attachments and I have used them all. It sits right next to my cream scales and on the other side is the recipe stand. It is a perfect addition to my kitchen: Welcome Kmix you will be used almost daily, and will make my friends & family happy with the cakes, cupcakes, loaves… and I’m going to try and make butter (one blogger said once you make it you will never buy butter/marg again, I would like to try that!)

So Christmas Eve. We don’t really have any traditions as a family for Christmas or Christmas Eve. As the Barnes family are in Christ Church – NZ (Which had more earthquakes and you are in our prayers…) we won’t be seeing them this Christmas – unless we skype So it’s a Baker Christmas. However, Beth will count the number of Bakers present (3) and then will count the number of BB’s present (4 or will she include baby bump!? 5) and then she will say who the winner is. She does this with girls and boys in a room. I think she likes to be on the winning team so doesn’t count certain items if she knows there’s less….

What do you do that’s become a ‘tradition’. Of course, we will sit down to eat a most delicious Christmas Dinner, we will go to our friends Church for the 11am service. We will open our gifts. We will enjoy playing with the children’s toys. And I hope that we will go for a little walk – to feed the horses? I’m so badly allergic to most animals, but I like going for a walk to let the children throw apples and carrots into the fields……

I will read the Christmas Story: The Bible Version. Every year when I read it on Christmas it feels more real than before. It’s as though my walk with God has deepened in a new way and I am thankful for his incredible Birth, his self-less Death and his miraculous Resurrection: From Luke 1 (read the rest of the story here )

The Birth of Jesus Foretold

²⁶ In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a village in Galilee, ²⁷ to a virgin named Mary. She was engaged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of King David. ²⁸ Gabriel appeared to her and said, “Greetings, favored woman! The Lord is with you!^[d]”

²⁹ Confused and disturbed, Mary tried to think what the angel could mean. ³⁰ “Don’t be afraid, Mary,” the angel told her, “for you have found favor with God! ³¹ You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus. ³² He will be very great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his ancestor David. ³³ And he will reign over Israel^[e] forever; his Kingdom will never end!”

³⁴ Mary asked the angel, “But how can this happen? I am a virgin.”

³⁵ The angel replied, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the baby to be born will be holy, and he will be called the Son of God. ³⁶ What’s more, your relative Elizabeth has become pregnant in her old age! People used to say she was barren, but she’s now in her sixth month. ³⁷ For nothing is impossible with God.^[f]”

³⁸ Mary responded, “I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you have said about me come true.” And then the angel left her.

There are so many things I could talk about from this passage. I know I will leave some out – not because they are not important, not because they don’t speak to me, but because I will only highlight some.

1. Mary was favoured. What was she doing? What was special about her life? How was her life different than EVERY other girl in the world at that time? Maybe she led a simple life of devotion and her actions were honouring to God. Maybe she always knew? Her life had destiny and purpose. A destiny and purpose that would cause her to be despised by others. That would see the very life that she nurtured crucified. [I feel silly to write this bit, but it must have been really hard for her as a 40 ish week pregnant Mama ride on a donkey FOR DAYS....... No wonder she gave birth when they arrived - I will remember this if baby 3 is late;) ]

2. Confused and disturbed, Mary tried to think what the angel could mean. – Have you ever thought you’ve heard something from God: whether an Angel came to tell you or whether it was a spontaneous thought that appeared out of no-where? Being confused as to whether you made this up, or disturbed as to how the plan would work out… I can learn a lot from her. She hears from God – via an Angel. And then the natural mind seeks to understand. I love the miracle of the birth of Jesus. Here Mary is reminding the Angel that she is a virgin…. Her mind is telling her that it is impossible.

3. But she has faith: Mary responded, “I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you have said about me come true.” And then the angel left her. The Angel left when his work was done. Mary speaks words of truth – she is the Lord’s servant (as we can all choose to be) And her words are so important as she says “may everything you have said about me come true”. This is significant also to our own lives. God has a wonderful plan for our lives – where destiny meets purpose and you live life with clarity, knowing your place in the world………. We can use the phrase in the same way as Mary to let the Masterplan for our lives unravel. Rather than speaking negatively and almost criticising the things that God has destined for us or for others.

This leads onto a verse that I awoke with a couple of mornings ago: I pondered on the words ‘how vast are your thoughts for me’ (It is from Psalm 139). I had paraphrased it in my mind, but that’s ok! Anyways, I lay there awake, in the dark, in the stillness – I was the only one awake – like usual And I began to think of God’s thoughts for me. I got to about 10 and then my mind wandered off and I got out of bed to make a pot of coffee…

I am reminded this morning of that verse once more, Psalm 139 – see verse 17.

¹³For You did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother’s womb.

¹⁴I will confess and praise You for You are fearful and wonderful and for the awful wonder of my birth! Wonderful are Your works, and that my inner self knows right well.

¹⁵My frame was not hidden from You when I was being formed in secret [and] intricately and curiously wrought [as if embroidered with various colors] in the depths of the earth [a region of darkness and mystery].

¹⁶Your eyes saw my unformed substance, and in Your book all the days [of my life] were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them.

¹⁷How precious and weighty also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them!^(E)

¹⁸If I could count them, they would be more in number than the sand. When I awoke, [could I count to the end] I would still be with You.

God has more thoughts about us than the number of the sand, and I got fidgety after numero 10…! These are thoughts about our future, about the plans He has for us, about the destiny awaiting to be unravelled. Imagine if I’d have got to even 20 – it would have set me up for the day. If I was thinking about what God thinks towards/about me, then honestly 20 good thoughts verses say 1 negative comment from someone else (say) that comment would have NO impact as I would be so secure in God’s thoughts for me. Go on, try it

And finally: The very reason for Jesus’ Birth – not for my traditions, not for a delicious dinner – though it may all be part of celebrating the Messiah’s Birth I must leave you with this: John 3:16

¹⁶For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He [even] gave up His only begotten (^[a]unique) Son, so that whoever believes in (trusts in, clings to, relies on) Him shall not perish (come to destruction, be lost) but have eternal (everlasting) life.

Thank you God for prizing the world, for prizing me and my family and friends (and the rest of the world who I don’t know! I sound like Beth when she says grace ‘thank you Lord Jesus for all the people in the world, I love them all and thankyouformydinner amen”!) that you would give your son for all.

Thank you for giving your most precious gift to the world. Help us to trust, cling and rely on you in a new way as we remember your Son’s glorious birth that made a way for our eternal life. THANK YOU Jesus for your life, and your sacrifice. AMEN xoxoxox

ps I’m feeling Christmassy now…. In a new way once more – maybe it’s ok we don’t have exact traditions: but people we can share the wonderful news with. Does that sound a little anti-commercial? Sorry… I did buy presents for my family and friends, I really did But I’m also glad that Christmas isn’t just about the presents and tinsel and turkey but a much deeper relationship – one that changed history and my story FOREVER x

A weekend away

This past weekend, we celebrated my birthday (which is in 18 days’ time) at a lovely hotel in Stratford – Upon – Avon. The weekend was filled with food, conversations that we finished and smiles. We ate so much GOOD food, drank so much coffee and enjoyed being together. We read magazines mine: Ideal Home for Christmas; Ryan: The Guitarist. Didn’t see that coming did you It was the best time just being two.

My fabulous sister and her husband looked after Beth and Ben – it was his first time away from me for more than a day, that day that I went to the Cake Show! And he had such a lovely time with them. Although, Beth did wake up at 5.30 am to tell Ellie her ‘good idea’ and her ‘brilliant news’…. I hadn’t anticipated Beth waking Ellie up that early; especially with ‘news’.

Driving back home, we took a detour of an exquisite castle with a monastic ruin. It looked so pretty with all of the Christmas decorations, and Porsches outside

Then as we drove onto the motor way, listening to Aftermath (United) our conversations shifted to THE Album Release. It was amazing how we both had similar ideas and hopes for the album and look forward to some exciting developments in the future and for the future of worship.

It’s so wonderful creating new ideas, thinking about the future but the actual execution (ha) of an idea takes oh so much longer. The waiting, the hoping, the watching to see what will happen and then the question: will it be as good as you imagined. It’s not like you ever think up a bad idea and try and follow it through to completion is it? No. It’s only the good ideas. I woke up early this morning to do some research, some thinking and some planning…. Perhaps I too had awoken with a ‘good idea’. I think it’s beautiful that my daughter would also awake with a ‘good idea’ too.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.

Wedding day

Today Ryan’s aunty and uncle have come to look after our children so that we can go to a wedding near Cambridge Today I am wife of the Best Man! Ok, that’s my role every day (wink).
The sun is shining, the sky is bright blue, we are on the motor way and then we will be there.

I love marriage, I love love and I love celebrating people. So it’s a perfect day for a wedding!

So excited to have a day together with Ryan, we were just saying that this we haven’t done this-ie gone to a wedding without children, well, since we had children!

love a xox

Making something happen for someone else?

Are there any rewards for being kind, helping others, serving? Maybe there shouldn’t be? But is it human nature to think of a reward for something? We work, we get paid. We help someone and they help us in return. We give with a hope to getting something.

We love, to be loved in return? No. We can’t. To love is to love unconditionally. You can’t love expecting a response. But you can love, show acts of kindness and care – all of which automatically generate a response. That sounds robotic. But could you receive love, kindness and care and fail to respond? Thought not.

Does this lead to motivation. Yes, as people (rather than robots) we are motivated by love, reward, money. So if I make something happen for someone else, am I secretly wanting that same thing to happen for me?

I guess it’s the ‘law’ of sowing and reaping. I am not talking about money here. I am talking about the principle of:

If I make something happen for someone else, then God will make it happen for me.

I have heard this phrase a lot, used by various speakers, used by various friends. I believed it. So I searched for it in the Bible. And. It’s. Not. There.

You know what is there: Ephesians 6:8:

Knowing that for whatever good anyone does, he will receive his reward from the Lord, whether he is slave or free.

This is the scripture that we are referring to when we think/hope/desire that by doing something for someone else that this will happen to us. Reading these 21 words. I am not sure what to make of it. Are you? I know that God rewards us. But the very reward my God, who is love, who is good and who knows the best plans, better than I know for myself – who knows every single moment of my life, who never fails me. Now I am beginning to wonder if by doing something for someone else would lead to a reward of the same from God.

That would be limiting God. To only think that God can only repay what I have done means that I think I am awesome. That living a life of good works equals a blessing upon my life. I forgot who is abounding in grace.

My situation: I am writing a book (of my own). For the past year or so I have been helping my dad with various edits of his book. He recently landed an amazing publishing deal, and had a little bit of work for me to do. After the phone call I sat down and thought ‘yes, if I make this happen for him then God will make it happen for me’. Then it hit me. What am I thinking? God already has the best plan for me. Before I knew about the publishing deal, I was not writing, editing, helping my dad with this huge project for any other reason than because I love my dad and wanted to help him, and knew I had time to do that.

Now all of a sudden, he has a publisher and my motive changes. I don’t like that I did that. Thankfully I realised it as soon as the phone call was over, and last night I spent three or four hours playing with words, restructuring sentences, adding paragraphs, deleting paragraphs, going back to the original. I went over the three thousand words and wondered what impact these words will have on others. How people will respond to the stories. How many lives can be affected by the book that my dad has written.

Instead, I will think of sowing and reaping: that is a Godly principle. Time to think of areas I have sowed, and to now think about reaping. Yes there is a change of heart. I am not now thinking about what I do purely to get a reward in the same. Although, God can and will do that. First I must ensure that heart motive is right and pure:

Ecclesiastes 11:4 He who observes the wind [and waits for all conditions to be favorable] will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap.

So I must begin today my sowing and reaping, waiting for the better day, a more sunshiney feeling, when all the conditions are favourable – that day will never come!

Matthew 6:26 Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father keeps feeding them. Are you not worth much more than they?

Thank you God! See, I have no need to worry about a thing. Even if I do look into sowing and reaping, God is beyond gracious – well the grace that I understand and He will provide for me. So my dreams, that are in alignment with His will for my life will one day come about!

2 Corinthians 9:6 [Remember] this: he who sows sparingly and grudgingly will also reap sparingly andgrudgingly, and he who sows generously [ that blessings may come to someone] will also reap generously and with blessings.

I want to sow generously, and reap generously. I want to make things happen for others, I want to know more of the love that God has for me! With love xox

Further reading in Galations 6:7-9

A lunar eclipse?

Last night, I was lying on the sofa reading the news and I stumbled upon the bit about how last night in the UK there was meant to be a lunar eclipse. Ryan was making music in the ‘garden room’ – it’s like a conservatory but just not as hot in summer or cold in winter…

I opened the doors onto the patio and looked around. Nope. No eclipse. I could see everything, there was no red sheen. Shame. Then I went back inside and explained it all to Ryan. He had his headphones in because he was recording. Then it hit me… The last Lunar Eclipse was July 2000/2001. I think it was 2000?

What were you doing when the sky went black around 10 years ago at noon? I had just returned from a trip to America with my parents, we went to Alaska too. I was working in River Island Dudley, I had a bright yellow VW old Beetle as my car. I was about to start a gap university. I had just arrived at work and was on ‘security’ (hahaha!) and that gave me a chance to go follow some people outside and see for myself what the sky was like darkened in the day time.

Last night, I realised my life was sooooooo different ten years on. Not only the fact that I wasn earning something like £3.75 per hour (hahaha again! how low were the wages? Better than my first job of £2.10 as a waitress though?) Where we were living, who I was living with. Friends I had then. Most of whom I no longer even know. What I thought about life, and love and everything in between.

Who would have known I would then have begun university, travelled the world, met and married Ryan and then had a brief career as a teacher. OK. It was very brief. Before having my Bethany Hope. And Benjamin Theo.

God knew.

He delicately holds every desire of my heart in his hands and enables my dreams to become reality by believing in His will for my life. Controlled? Nope. Free Will to chose what I want? Yes, absolutely. Free Will to choose God’s best plan for my life: YES, YES, YES! This way, I can hope, dream, and imagine life in the future. Which becomes my present.

A decade ago life was fun, full and exciting as I didn’t really know where I was heading, who I would share the journey with and where it would take me.

Now a decade on, I am delighted with my past and delighting in my present and can’t wait for what’s around the corner…

I talked to a friend today who said his birthday is approaching, at the age of 27 he feels he is getting close to 30. I wanted to say that I am 30 in 6 months…. And I love it. I love that I’ve had a go at so many things for so many days, weeks, months, years! Sometimes things don’t work out. Sometimes you just have to try before you realise it’s going to fail. Sometimes the reason you try and fail is to learn the lesson of the process. I guess the reason we are afraid of big birthdays (we is the generic term. I think it’s going to be quite THE partay!) is because we try to take stock of how far we have or haven’t come, where we are or are not satisfied.

But if you allow yourself to love, live and let the master potter create true beauty from the muddy clay of your life there is no way you can fail! By surrendering you can have it all. I know. It doesn’t make sense this life of being a Christian, does it? Misty Edwards says ‘it’s an inside out, upsidedown kingdom where you die to gain…’ not literal death, just the kind where you allow God to take your life and as I wrote a few paragraphs ago, remind yourself that:

He delicately holds every desire of your heart in his hands and enables your dreams to become reality by believing in His will for your life.

I could make more of the allegory of the moon blocking the view of sun. And the comparison between things in life that cause a total or partial eclipse, but you know what I’m saying

With a heart full of thanks, hope and love for all that has past and all that is to come, A xox

Love Joy Peace

After three nights of Ryan (www.ryanbakerbarnes.com) being away recording. I am thinking that Mama’s who raise children alone, or have husbands who work away a lot must be actually people like saints.

I am not really enjoying being alone. Feels like I am stretched to the MAX… But laundry can wait – although I’m on top of it. Their behaviour is fine. Giving them both quality time is tricky, but making sure they get a fun mum – makes for fun children!!

Love: I miss him. I love him. I miss him. I almost cried when I worked out that I’d got the day wrong and today is only Wednesday. NOT Thursday…2 more days….

Joy: When we were busy a few years ago, my sister sent me a note “the Joy of the Lord is your strength”. It sustained me during that time. But reminding myself of that helps. Hearing the delicious laughter of my children as they played together at breakfast time demonstrates that Joy is strength. Thank you Beth and Ben – Your Joy will never run out (all emotional writing this, I love how they love each other. She was stroking his hair this morning saying “Oh Bennnnnn, I love you SOO much.”)

Peace: That 30 seconds when I brought the children upstairs, shut the stairgate, closed my bedroom door, and did my makeup. Yeh it did look like it took 30 seconds. But still I was alone…! Or the 20 minutes I was waiting in the car for Beth, I knew I would be early. I planned it. I sat listening to music by Brian and Jenn Johnson and enjoyed a little boy drifting off to sleep.

Patience: How do you remain calm when you have to get in the shower and a little tyke climbs on the loo seat lid and dives into the sink? Stay in the shower or jump out, getting bubbles everywhere to rescue the tyke? What about when the rascal empties the bin out and begins to throw the contents across the floor? I know, I turned my back for a minute, second. What about when you are in a queue at the shops and the monkey takes the packet of mock veggie carrot sticks and scrumples the bag and empties them ontop of his head. Yeah I should take photos. I keep my cool. I don’t want to yell at them. And giving a one year old a time out doesn’t work for me. I mean him….! Yes, Ben is an actual monkey. He is the cheeky one, who toddles around with those big brown eyes and smiles, winning hearts and then, right when you are thinking “ahhh my boy is so adorable” he gets to work. Mischief Central. Maybe that’s why I love him so…..

Kindness: Even though I am home alone, my family is sending love – in the tangible form of DINNERS:) I’m actually going to stay at my parents this evening. I am making sure Beth knows that if she gets all ‘shivery’ (the reason for her waking me up for the past 5 nights) she MUST tell Mopsie…………… I hope this is ok…. My mum reads my blog. I am so sure she will know how to solve the shivers…. Love you! xox I went out of my way to be kind today. To give a tiny little pot of chocolate sticks to the lady in starbucks trying to have a chat with her friend. Her little boy was eyeing up Ben’s snacks and she was delighted I thought of her. Or the flowers we chose for a lady because of a stressed out morning.  My friend who is bringing dinner tomorrow. And another friend who wants to watch my children tomorrow. I am overwhelmed with kindness, so I wanted to pour it back.

Self Control: Thank You Holy Spirit for this gift – to know what my children need, when and how to show love in certain situations.

Whatever you need, there is a gift for you. Thanks for reading – be blessed xoxo