Here I am, fresh coffee and cream (I know, cream + 30 day shred dvd = 35 day shred dvd… but anyways) I’m here. I have found the rhythm to write again. Well I think that is what it is. Perhaps it is discipline. The act of getting up and writing and working on what I have.
The past weekend was one of those ‘defining moments’. I wanted to go to a Christian Event – we have a lot at our church but during the summer there are so many of these events at other Churches and I really wanted to go. I suggested we go camping: Ryan thought I was not doing so well, thankfully he was right. It turned out I just wanted to have a few days off as a family, not specifically camp – phew – when we did go to visit our friends at Rivercamp um well. Um. Um…. there was a lot of rain, mud and well, more mud than you really want. So we went to Rivercamp in Evesham for the Saturday.
Beth and Ben were checked into the ‘little fishes’ creche and there we were with Alyssia. It turned out that Mark Stibbe was speaking – he has spoken before at our Church as is very inspirational, speaks about the Father’s Love in a fresh way, has a wonderful way of speaking – and is the husband to Allie Stibbe, you know ‘Barefoot in the Kitchen’ author.
So, I was preparing my heart, wondering how God would show His love to me afresh. And all of a sudden, Mark begins speaking about God the Father and how He anointed him to write. How everyone of us is made in the image of Creator God. Therefore, we are utterly creative. He continued: we are condemned to be creative.
Pause: So if I am made this way, then how come I don’t feel ‘utterly creative’ or how come there is a block sometimes to write, or how come I don’t know what to do next with my writing…
Mark explained that so often we are stopped by a lie. The lie of ‘you can’t do it’ (often spoken by a parent/ teacher).
In one sentence my mind began to whirl:
You can be creative
These are the notes from what he spoke on for the next few minutes:
There is a synergy between creativity & prophecy.
John saw: Rev 1
Writing angel. Quill.
Gift of seeing
Writing is the task. To activate what you have seen.
The treasure of Discovery always found in the field of discipline
Work hard at the task.
Make Him famous.
As he was speaking, I was thinking, wondering, trying to work out where my writing future would head. Yes I have pursued writing, and have studied literature and creative writing. I almost subscribed to the ‘writers’ magazine. I have books on how to write. I have the self-publishing company (that I will use one day) saved to my favourites tabs. I hope. I have an envelope of money with the exact amount it costs to publish 100 of my very first books.
But I did not know if this was what I was meant to do.
I have been working on my 6 chapters for my first book for a long, long time. I know the cover design, I know the font, I know who I will thank and I still didn’t know what to do with my ‘book’.
As I write this, I realise that there has been a journey, that without the journey, I would probably have launched into writing without it being the right time. Yes, there would have been grace (indeed I hope so) but I can’t believe I was so close to clicking ‘send’ to the publishers and yet have never done so.
I have told friends about ‘the book’. I have even written it on my twitter account (maybe not facebook as I have actual friends there). The publishers even came for lunch one Sunday, because my parents were ill and we were available- ha who says that?! I cooked Pork dinner [I feel this is rather like the 'tiger who came to tea' except 'the publisher came to lunch'... ]
And yet. It still didn’t feel like the right time.
I would meet my friend for coffee and she would ask time and again: how’s the book? I would always come up with some really good reason as to why I hadn’t clicked send.
And then I met up with my sweet friend and she asked the same. This time I didn’t have a really good answer. I just didn’t know the right time. Friends at church were asking what I would do with my blog as there were a lot of followers and readers, similarly I had a lot of comments on the marriage one.
And yet still I wasn’t sure. I knew ‘something’ would happen as I hit 10,000 hits on the blog. But it happened so fast that I didn’t know which day it happened, and now a week or so later we are hundreds over it – thank you dear reader. You are truly wonderful.
Another thing happened on 16th August. I switched my phone on and the time was 16:16 and the date 16/8. Things were lining up. I heard someone explain the alignment of God in ways that we could see. Who knew what was lining up for me?
As I sat in that meeting last Saturday. I knew I had to get prayed for by Mark – I knew that the time ahd come. As I stood there, my dad (who is a friend of Mark) asked him to pray for me.
And: as he prayed I really knew that THIS IS MY TIME. You know I pray a lot, you know I pray for others a lot. And yet in this instant it was as though I felt my heart shift from not believing I could do it. To feeling the urge to press ‘send’! I was encouraged in the discipline – I told him I have three children, a blog, a degree, etc (and then felt like i was garbling…) He prayed for me and I received all that was imparted to me
I could have left it at that. But then I wouldn’t have been wise with the investment… Have you been prayed for about certain things and been wise with your investment?
But now, I have been studying and researching in a new way. It feels as though this was the next thing. My children take lie-ins in the morning so I have more time to write in the morning. And new topics and ideas are springing up.
So this is where my wondering has become reality. The years of waiting and writing. The years of writing. The years of preparation. The time is now for me.
And for that I am thankful. To all my friends who have suggested it to me, for those who have been stronger and told me to write more, for those who have watched, and those who have prayed.
THANKYOU. This step is an exciting one and as soon as I have the cover finalised I will place a link to the book. [fyi £4.99 +£1.10 postage and packaging... you can pre-order if you leave a comment, I can email you]
Love A xoxox